Pruning

Your clean, cheesy joke of the day from quickfunnyjokes.com

Q: Why aren’t koalas actual bears? 

A: The don’t meet the koalafications.

I want to read a Pinterest post by “Lisa Byrne” - picture a beautiful green background with a cluster of white flowers in the background. The flowers look a bit like a dogwood tree bloom but not exactly. Very delicate. I’ve never seen this bloom before. The quote is “When we can become skilled at selectively knowing what to prune out of our lives, what remains becomes stronger, brighter, clearer.” 

This reminds me of walking into my office last week after a cold, dry weekend and my peace lily plant was totally flat as a pancake. It was still green, but absolutely wilted like it had fainted on the floor. I gave it a big cup of water and waited all day to see if any life would burst forth, but there was no evidence of movement. By the next morning, I walked it and “poof” it was alive and well, pert and perky and green and glowing! All it needed was some hydration and a good night’s sleep. 

Isn’t that what we all need? But sometimes we need a bit more. Maybe some pruning. Some cutting away of the dead blooms or leaves that, as a gardener might say “those dead leaves are just sucking away all the nutrients that should be going to the leaves that are still alive!”

A master gardener might say, “Pam - don’t be afraid of killing it - pluck or cut those away! Otherwise the whole plant is gonna die!” When I am so panicked that I might lose my entire plant. The plant I have cared for so many years, I might be paralyzed with fear. Fear of loss. But, sometimes we have to get in there and whack away the dead. 

Just today I drove down the interstate and saw a tragedy. Dozens and dozens of crepe myrtle trees cut back to their nubs. Those crepe myrtles had been murdered. Southern Living magazine taught me that term years ago “Crepe murder”. But I don’t think the highway landscaping workers subscribe to Southern Living. They are doing the best they can. What is efficient and seemingly effective. They cut away nearly everything. But it is sure a sore sight for the next couple of months. 

Sure those crepe myrtles will eventually bloom but I think they end up looking stubby looking. Nothing like the old graceful crepe myrtles that are tenderly trimmed of their dead blooms at the end of the season. I think crepe myrtles in the winter with their bloomless arms are quite beautiful. A stark reminder of the winter but a vision of hope for the summer blooms to come. 

Maybe if those crepe myrtles had a master gardener that took the time to see what part should stay, what parts should go - that would be beneficial to the crepe myrtle (and much more attractive). 

Like each tree and plant, we are all seemingly similar but actually different in many ways. We all need a little attention and pruning every season. So, what can we learn from my dehydrated easter lily and those murdered crepe myrtles? What do we need to gently prune away in our lives today? A snappy word out of our mouth? A hateful thought? A toxic person? 

Maybe you feel overwhelmed and just need some water, some sleep and maybe some of those fancy fertilizers that plants need. Some nutritious food and some sunlight? Take care of yourself. Take care of those plants and trees in your care. But a warning for all those plants and humans that you feel need a LOT of pruning - Don’t get in there with your friend, your children or your spouse and hack away at all their dead blooms. Help them if they need it or ask for it but focus on getting yourself blooming and then you are capable and experienced to help others. 

And when you have some free time, somebody please start a hashtag campaign - #stop the crepe murders! 

(Guided deep breathing.) 

The Rough with the Smooth

Let’s start our day off with a cheesy joke from quickfunnyjokes.com

Q: How do snails fight? 

A: They slug it out. 

Ok, I love cheesy jokes. Always have. Just bear with me if you don’t like that kind of humor. Are you thinking, “Surely, you can be serious?” Well, I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. da dum dum. If you are too young to know that quote, go watch the comedy “Airplane” - one of my faves. 

This admittedly cheesy joke made me think about how we sometimes slug it out with those we are in relationships with. 

A recent relationship that I was intrigued with was Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. The 2nd season of The Crown premiered in December and I was feeling a little under the weather for a few days and that is the perfect time to binge on Netflix, right? I was successful in completing the viewing of this series. There was one scene that I would like to quote and I don’t think it is going to spoil anything for you if you haven’t seen the series and/or don’t care if you ever do see the series! 

This was a quote from Prince Philip at their 10 year anniversary dinner. Now, I don’t know if he actually said this in real life but I think we can benefit from it either way.

Philip said (after being married for 10 years) that after this time “one sees the whole of the other person. You see even the part of them that they don’t see themselves. And presumably —they see the hidden part of you. One ends up knowing more about one’s partner than they know about themselves. And it can be pretty tough to keep quiet about it. So you have to come to an accommodation, an arrangement, a deal (if you like) to take the rough with the smooth. But the extraordinary thing is that down there in the rough, in the long reeds of difficulty and pain, that is where you find the treasure.”

Wow, when I watched this episode and heard these words, let me tell you what was also going on - I also read the words because I love having closed captioning on. Do you do that? Probably not! I haven’t found many people that do but I am comfortable enough in my idiosyncrasies to not really care what anybody else thinks about this topic. I think it is like reading a book while watching a movie. I even like youtube videos that have the words. If you have noises going on in your household and you are trying to watch a movie, it’s very frustrating if you miss something. I don’t even like going to the movie theatre anymore because they don’t have closed captioning. Thankfully all my family members have been accommodating with me and they don’t even complain when I ask, “Is the closed captioning for the deaf and hearing impaired on?” hahaha yep, that’s me! (No offense to the deaf and the hard of hearing - GrandDaddy- I know closed captioning is necessary for them!) 

Ok, so maybe Philip’s words really stood out because I heard them and read them, but nonetheless, he was being very honest about what it is like to be in a lengthy relationship with another. Whether that is your spouse, a family member or a friend. You see the frustrating parts of them and you want to point it out to them! You realize they may see something irritating in you but that’s a topic for another day. He says that you come to a deal, whether in your head or with them to take the good and the bad. The rough with the smooth. 

Have you had to do that with someone? We all have expectations of others and what that relationship should be or could be. And then reality hits us upside the head. Prince Philip is encouraging us that in this place of difficulty and pain, the place where you set aside your expectations - you find the treasure. Now he doesn’t elaborate on what that treasure looks like - and Queen Elizabeth definitely has some literal treasures that we will never have in our life. But, I think that those treasures could be a deeper love for the other person, a thankfulness for what good qualities they do have, and gratitude for the things that they overlook in your own behavior or attitude. 

Have you had someone in your life for a lengthy time period? Have you found that it is worth it? I hope so. If you don’t have a relationship like that, I encourage you today to identify someone that is in your life that you may want to spend a little extra time in nurturing that relationship. If you don’t have anyone, keep an eye out for them! You never know when they may show up. 

If you are married and you are already making a list of things that irk the heck out of you and you want to yell it to them at the top of your lungs - what if today you shut your mouth. Said the opposite - said something encouraging today. What if you replaced that criticism (although seemingly constructive) with a compliment? An encouraging word? Think about trying it. Let me know how that goes. And if you are in a relationship that you are viewing as a treasure, let that other person know that. Today. 

(Guided deep breathing on Podcast.) 

Social Media

There is so much amazingly educational information on the internet, isn't there? Although, it can be overwhelming sometimes. I have to just take it all in small doses. 

When I am with my Clients, I find myself either sharing some of the same information with each of them or not having enough time to share what I really want to share with them!

Facebook posts and Pinterest boards are an easy way to pass helpful tips to my Clients. I love funny and inspirational quotes and these platforms give me a place to share my favorites.

Scientific facts, healthy tips and anecdotal information keep my eyes glued to my computer. I am thankful to be able to hit "save" and, in turn, provide a place for you to be encouraged or learn something new.

You can click the social media symbols at the bottom of each page of this website to quickly link to these sites. Enjoy and share! 

Where Have I Seen That Bridge Before?

Did you think "I've seen that bridge before!" on the front page of Pam Litchford Counseling? Yes! Me too! If you are a fan of the HBO series, "Big Little Lies", you have seen that bridge numerous times, including the opening credits.  It is the Bixby Bridge in Big Sur, California. I know...it is not a South Carolina bridge and I feel a little guilty about not using a home state picture, but that's okay. I selected that photo before the series premiered from Squarespace's template for websites. I am glad I did not know it would be featured on the series because I may not have used it. I love it and I will keep it for now. We do not have any bridges or scenery that look quite like that in South Carolina and maybe that is part of why I like it. It feels different. The beachy colors are my favorite colors. The water looks refreshing, yet probably pretty cold. The architect is simple yet complex and more old fashioned than the modern bridges being built today.  

So...a different style bridge and coastline than I am used to, with colors that are familiar, a simple yet complex structure...this makes me think about how making changes in my life involves a blend of old and new - actions, thoughts and people. Some parts I am comfortable with and some seem totally foreign. Exciting and intimidating! A bridge is also a visual of the effort and courage it takes to cross that structure and get where we want to go. 

If you have seen the "Big Little Lies" series, or read the book it is based on by Liane Moriarty, you will know that there are a lot of moving parts in the lives of the characters. Sometimes I felt like the characters and sometimes I wanted to be the Therapist and help those ladies wade through the struggles in their lives. There are some gritty parts in the storyline but they are life events that are common to many people. They all were just trying to get through this thing we call life. It is hard and full of difficult choices. (Granted, maybe those gorgeous homes and wardrobes would make someone feel better, am I right?) Seriously, we need others to help us get over those bridges in our life. I'm really not like the Therapist portrayed in the show (I talk a lot more than she does) but I feel she cared about her clients and I certainly care about each of mine! 

4 Reasons Why I Am Not Judging You

1. Courage  -  I know it takes bravery to take the steps to even make an appointment to see a counselor. Going to a stranger to reveal your concerns/secrets/thoughts/feelings? Frightening! Maybe someone enthusiastically recommended a counselor to you, but you do not know if it will feel the same for you or if it is even what you need. I applaud your willingness to seek help.  Every client walks in my door gets my respect. You are brave!  
2. Humility  -  I am human, just like you! I may have gone through what you have, or I could have a loved one that has been where you are. You aren't alone. I also realize that I could be in your shoes in the future. I did not get into the counseling field to judge you. I do promise to get to know you and earn your respect. Then we can look at the choices you are making with a critical eye and use discernment to determine what life changes could benefit you.
3. Compassion -  I genuinely want to help you. Counseling salaries are not usually lucrative. I would do this for free if all my bills could still be paid. That means that I am doing this because I want to counsel. I have a heart for hurting people. I even spend my spare time reading to educate myself on the latest research. I want to know if there is something new that I can use to make my client's life better.
4. Experience  -  You will not be the first person to tell me that you look at pornography, or cheated on your significant other, or do drugs, or that you cannot find the energy to even wash dishes. I have not dealt with every possible problem that exists, but I am willing to listen and learn how I can meet you where you are. I can offer you hope and encourage you along the way. I can work with you to find a way to endure and/or resolve your situation.  

I hope that knowing these 4 reasons why your counselor is not judging you will give you relief in seeking counseling. May I also suggest that if you do feel judged by your counselor, tell him or her how you feel. If you do not get the response you are looking for, feel free to tell them goodbye! There are plenty of wonderful and effective counselors. Don't waste your time or money on someone that you do not feel comfortable with.